Home Islam Satire How to Celebrate Islam Day
Home Islam Satire How to Celebrate Islam Day

How to Celebrate Islam Day

With the news that the State of Hawaii has passed a resolution creating "Islam Day", there is naturally a lot of interest from people wondering how exactly do we celebrate Islam Day?

This is a good question. Islam Day has comes packed with numerous activities all dedicated to commemorating the time when an illiterate bandit told his followers that he had talked to an angel and led them on a murderous rampage that began over a thousand years of massacres, rapes, slavery and genocide... which we call Islam.

Here are some great tips for you and your family to celebrate Islam.

1.) Burn a Book - As the destroyers of the Library of Alexandria, Islam has a proud tradition of seeking out knowledge and burning it. This tradition continues into the present day with the War on Danish Cartoons and the OIC's work toward a worldwide ban on criticizing Islam.

By burning a book on Islam Day you express the wishful hope that one day all books, cartoons, opinions and people who hold beliefs and ideas that Islam does not approve of... will be similarly burned.

2.) Abuse a Woman - As we all know, Islam provides equality to women. Of course in Arabic the word for equal, is the same as the word for subhuman, resulting in many amusing misunderstandings with ignorant Westerners.

Abusing and enslaving women was a particular incentive that Mohammed offered his gang of fanatical thugs (Founders of Islam). From marrying a 6 year old girl, to murdering an elderly female poet, to the mass rapes of female prisoners, to declaring that most women were going to hell-- Mohammed had issues with women. And you can't commemorate Islam Day, without paying tribute to Mohammed's hate and abuse of 50 percent of the human race.

3.) Kill a Non-Muslim - If Islam stands for anything, it's for killing anyone who won't convert to Islam. Most of the Koran is a narrative of the people Mohammed met who did convert to Islam, and the ones who wouldn't convert to Islam, and had to be killed.

While some people may believe that killing people just because they won't follow your made up moongod religion, that exists solely so you can loot all the caravans in the desert and marry as many wives as you want, is wrong... those people are clearly ignorant of the true spirit of Islam Day.

Let's face it, you couldn't get 1 Billion people to live in caves, forswear alcohol and spend half the day on their knees without a little violence being involved. Okay a lot of violence. But what's a genocide here or there, when it comes to convincing people that all the answers to life's problems lie in a green book composed by an illiterate homicidal maniac? (Just think how far Charles Manson could have gotten if only he had been born 1200 years ago in Mecca.)

4.) Bring Peace to the World - Islam is of course peaceful. Many ignorant Westerners confuse this with being non-violent, but Islam's form of peace is non-violent in the same way that a Colt Peacemaker is non-violent. Like a Colt Peacemaker, Islam brings peace by killing everyone who might resist. Then there's peace. And lots of dead bodies all over the floor.

Bringing peace to the world means bringing Islam to the world. Which means killing a lot of people. But you can't make omelets without breaking a few eggs. And you can't get a whole bunch of people to fall on their face in the direction of Mecca, without first killing all the millions who would rather do something else with their time.

5.) Educate your Neighbor about Islam - Some people in the West have very misinformed ideas about Islam. Many think that Islam has something to do with terrorism or the 9/11 attacks, (which as we all know is the work of the Zionist/Freemason/CIA.) Others think that Islam discriminates against women, endorses slavery and pedophilia, and promises murderers a paradise filled with 72 virgin demons.

None of this could be further from the truth. So stop by your non-Muslim neighbor's house. Bring a Quran and have a heart to heart discussion about his values and yours. During this discussion it is important to convince your neighbor of such misapprehensions, and any others he might have, such as the foolish notion that his idea of joining Islam is optional.

Best case scenario, you'll have a new brother and sister in Islam. Next best case scenario, he'll be paying you Jizya on a monthly basis having accepted his new status as your Dhimmi. Worst case scenario, Oops Beheading.

6. ) Complain About Something - Bringing down the Western power structure isn't easy, even with their own people doing their best to help. That means you need to do your part by criticizing everything, complaining constantly that you're being discriminated against.

If no one is actually discriminating against you, put on a black T-shirt covered in Arabic, put on a bulky bult covered with suspicious objects and take a ride on a plane. If all goes well, the settlement should keep you from having to work for a living for the next 10 years.

7. ) Appreciate Islam Day - In Hawaii, Islam Day is only one day out of the year. In Muslim countries every day is Islam day. The more that Western countries become Muslim countries, the closer you are to living in a land where every day is Islam Day.


  1. LOL.

    No can do, Sultan:) I'm a consciencious objector. I'll bribe the local Imam to give me a dispensation or whatever a dispensation is called in Arabic lol.


    Shavua tov

  2. Love it.

    My favourite line: 'During this discussion it is important to convince your neighbor of such misapprehensions, and any others he might have, such as the foolish notion that his idea of joining Islam is optional.'

    Am smiling and wincing at the same time. Great piece.

  3. Many Americans are observing Islam Day informally. Freestyle Muslims and Islam Day with self-styled Imams.


    Whadda ya bet some freestyle Muslims decided to covert the Hawaiian Christmas Song (played to death in Dec. since Obama's election) to a more Muslim song?

    I always hated that song. Muslim verses will make it worse. Islam Day doesn't need an official song.

  4. I'm guessing the soundtrack for Islam involves a lot of screams

  5. What is Rage Boy holding there? It appears to be a musical instrument. Isn't that awfully...un-Islamic? Shouldn't the morality police be alerted about this?

  6. It's only un-islamic if it can't kill infidels. And I imagine his sitar playing is pretty lethal

  7. Julie10/5/09

    Thanks, SK--one of your best...and that's saying a lot.


  8. Anonymous10/5/09

    A dish with SPAM would be the best way to celebrate Muslim day in Hawaii, and invite all the Muslims you know to join in.

  9. tanalee11/5/09

    Aloha, Sultan Knish...

    Living in Hawaii, I feel the shame.

    Masterful article.


  10. Instead of just blogging back and forth to each other, do something positive. Send this fantastic article to the Governor and Lt. Governor of Hawaii like I just did.
    governor.lingle@hawaii.gov and ltgov@hawaii.gov
    I urged then to do the right thing by not having this "day"... I said "After reading his take on this subject, I hope you will not allow this "celebration" to take place. If you are still one of those people who believe that Islam is a "peaceful religion", just give yourself some time as it will come to the Hawaiian Islands in the same way it has come to Indonesia where it's definitely not peaceful." Thanks Sultan for giving us the ammunition to use in this article.

  11. susan h11/5/09

    I'm surprised they didn't pick September 11 as Islam Day. Why wait until Sept. 24 or 29? They could just re-create the 9/11 scene every year in a pageant or play. That would really wow the crowd...

    Below is a link to an Islam day in Illinois, sponsored by none-other than Barack Obama, when he was in the Illinois congress in 1997. I guess he was sponsoring all kinds of important legislation...


  12. So this Islam Day is real????

    Now Obama's "Pesach" makes sense. It was just a prelude to Islam Day so that everyone would think he's just muliticultural. Saint Patrick's Day, Pesach, now Islam Day.

    We drifted into it so easily.

  13. Tana-Lee11/5/09


    See Andrew Walden's article:
    Hawaii “Islam Day” secretly marks September 11


    Does anyone know if this really works out to be true?


  14. Unlike deer season where you're only allowed to pick off two deer, Hillbillies will be celebrating Islam Day with a "no bag limit" for picking off local muzlims! Now that's what I call celebrating!!!

  15. Anonymous16/6/09

    you people are idiots ISLAM does not need a day it is allday everyday MUSLIMS know that the rights of ALLAH on us is that we whorship him time and place do not matter stop letting satan tell you to limit yourself remember he already knows his fate do not limit yours


Post a Comment

You May Also Like