Home The Hyena Cure
Home The Hyena Cure

The Hyena Cure

The World Health Organization estimates that 1 in 3 Somalis are mentally ill due to their country's constant violence and abuse of the Khat narcotic. Somali science however came up with a surefire cure for the crazies. Lock the patient up in a room with a hyena and wait for the ugly beast to see the demons causing the madness and drive them out.

Somali medicine, like American medicine,  suffers from rising health care costs. A session with a trained psychiatric hyena costs 560 dollars in a country where the average national salary is 190 bucks putting a Mogadishu trained hyena on par with a Harvard trained psychiatrist.

The Hyena Cure is simple. Lock up a mental patient for three days with a hyena. Hyenas are clever animals. Like their canid relatives, they can be surprisingly perceptive. Somalia, which has a shortage of psychiatrists, but has plenty of hyenas, expects the hyena to see the evil spirits inside the patient and eat them up. It's not that farfetched. Hyenas are known for eating anything. Why not demons?

Freud came up with the Talking Cure. Somalis came up with the Hyena Cure. The obvious superiority of the Hyena Cure is that hyenas, unlike psychiatrists, don't get depressed. The laughing beasts are always cheerful and while they are hardly rare enough to justify that high a price, when American hospitals bill aspirin at a few thousand dollars, neither medical establishment makes much sense.

Somalis who can't afford to blow a three month salary to spend a little time on the couch with a hyena have a more practical solution. They tie the affected person to a tree and leave. There are even more trees in Somalia than there are hyenas, but the hyenas usually find the patient sooner or later and snack on him pro bono, while his kin head off to the welfare office in Lewiston, Maine.

Like the joke about the mental patient and the driver with the broken wheel, the Somalis may be nuts, but they aren't stupid.

Somalia only has half the Somali population. Kenya has almost a million. The United Kingdom has over 100,000 and Canada may have as many as 150,000. The United States has quite a few and Minnesota alone has may have 80,000 to 125,000 of them.

American politicians, who can give any Khat-chewing Somali pirate a run for his money in the insanity department, dumped thousands of Somalis into Lewiston, Maine where they now make up a seventh of the population.

The average low in Lewiston in January is near zero. Meanwhile January in Mogadishu is a balmy 86 degrees with occasional flurries of machine gun fire.

Despite its chilly weather, Lewiston did have some warm welfare on tap for local residents. And the Somalis disregarded the cold and flocked to the cold cash. The World Health Organization may consider them crazy, but unlike the politicians who welcomed them in, they aren't stupid.

Back in Somalia, the hyenas that aren't in private practice carry on a battle of wits with the Islamic terrorists of Al-Shabaab responsible for the Westgate Massacre in Kenya.

The hyenas hunt Somalis and have been known to taste the occasional Al-Shabaab fighter who falls asleep in a Khat induced trance in the sun. And Al-Shabaab hunts and kills hyenas and sells their meat to finance terrorism. Hyenas, like most dog-like animals, are considered unclean in Islam, but Al-Shabaab overcame its Islamist scruples to sell hyena flesh and even market its consumption as effective at fighting off evil spells.

Who needs Prozac when you can eat a hyena and the mental illness demons will head for the hills?

American food companies are known for promising all sorts of bogus health benefits for their exotic fruit juices, which mostly turn out to be pear juice, their superfoods, which are really ordinary foods, and their energy drinks, which are only caffeine with blue dye, but Al-Shabaab, which keeps killing people in order to impose Islamic law, on a country that already runs on Islamic law, has to use black magic to convince people to buy the meat of an animal that eats corpses.

Considering that hyenas in Somalia often eat human flesh, Al-Shabaab is coming rather close to cannibalism in the name of imposing Islamic law. But American liberals are coming even closer to cannibalism in the name of imposing tolerance.

America doesn't have any native hyenas. Not anymore. American hyenas originally kept Indians from colonizing America. But by the time the West was won, the last of the hyenas was nearly a myth. But today, the Somalis arriving in places like Lewiston and Minneapolis are the new American hyena. Omnivorous and aggressive, they roam into unlikely territories and feed on anything they can find.

The Somali gangs that tore apart their homeland have been reborn in the frigid Midwest. Ten percent of the gang members in the Minneapolis Police Department’s system are Somalis. The Somali Outlaws, the Madhibaan with Attitude, the Somali Hot Boyz and the Somali Assault Unit go from welfare to crime. Like the gangs at home, Somali migrant gangs scale up from street crime, drug trafficking, robberies, sex trafficking and protection rackets to international terrorism.

Lewiston, Maine, a place as traditionally synonymous with gangs as Mogadishu is with snow,  now has concerns about gang violence.

Maine has gone from having no gang members a few years ago to having 4,000 of them. Mainahs have gone from thinking of gang members as something they saw on episodes of COPS to something they see when they look out the window.

Vacationland now hosts the True Somali Bloods and the True Sudanese Bloods who spill each other's blood to find out who has the truest blood of them all. In Lewiston, Somali flash mobs attack natives. In Bangor, a Somali gang is at the heart of local crime. The politicians who enabled this disaster don't like to talk about that. Instead they quote statistics about  new Somali businesses. And if a lot of these businesses are places where Somalis trade food stamps for food, that isn't discussed much either.

The real Somali growth industry is gangs. The gangs have been formalized with titles and foreign support, but they are still gangs. And even when the various factions of the Islamic Courts Union, one of which includes its Al-Shabaab youth wing, claim to be fighting over Islamic law, they're just hyenas feeding on other hyenas.

Gangs are still the closest thing to a rule of law in Somalia. There was every reason to expect the Somali migrants in the United States to fall back into that pattern, clusters of young men building families around gangs and making their own law the way they did back home. Nietzsche said that when you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes into you. When you stare at a hyena, the hyena stares back at you. When you stare into Somalia, Somalia stares back at you.

The Somali migrants are not becoming Americanized. Maine and Minneapolis are becoming Somalized. Their warring gangs are a warning that even the coldest parts of America can become a barren Somali desert.

The American hyena became extinct as the march of civilization drove it back. Where there is civilization, carrion eaters no longer eat well unless they learn to be small and quiet. In Somalia, hyenas thrive because there isn't civilization and so there is good eating for their kind. As the march of civilization falters and falls back, hyenas have begun to proliferate in the United States.

Hyenas don't destroy civilization. They are a symptom of its collapse. They are a sign that the city is giving way to the desert, the town to the village and the village to a handful of burnt out shacks. Carrion eaters go where civilization falls, where men no longer work shoulder to shoulder and where nothing bigger than a gang can endure. They go where there are bodies and no one to bury them.

Somalia is what happens when a country goes mad. And no matter how many tall buildings we have and how many iPhones we sell a year, it would be foolish to believe that cultural madness isn't contagious and that what happened in Somalia couldn't happen here.  

If we could lock up the advocates of open borders in a room with a hyena for three days and hope the scavenger eats the evil spirits in their minds, it would be easily worth the 560 dollar charge. But the Hyena Cure doesn't work for Somalis. It won't work for Americans.

Lock an American politician in a room with a hyena and the laughing beast will not see evil spirits in his eyes, only a weak creature waiting to be eaten. That is the same thing that his Somali cousins see when they sit across the table from another cheerful politician welcoming them to America.

The Hyena Cure doesn’t work by eating evil spirits. Being locked in a room for three days with a predator that eats human flesh is the ultimate reality check. Either you put aside whatever illness has made it impossible for you to function in civilization. Or the hyena eats you.

America, Canada, Europe and Australia all face the reality check of the Hyena Cure. Either the wave of violence that comes from being locked in cities and towns with migrating Muslim predators seeking asylum and refuge wakes them from their madness.

Or the hyenas eat them.


  1. Their warring gangs are a warning that even the coldest parts of America can become a barren Somali desert.

    Why do you say, "can"? "Will" is far more appropriate whenever there are any Somalis involved. Only America's Second Amendment stands in between us and them. Eff knows law enforcement and the judicial system are of no use.

    Lock an American politician in a room with a hyena and the laughing beast will not see evil spirits in his eyes, only a weak creature waiting to be eaten.

    You say that like it's a bad thing.

  2. It's over, isn't it? We didn't hear the fat lady sing because she was eaten.

  3. "America, Canada, Europe and Australia all face the reality check of the Hyena Cure."

    Unfortunately, I must add Israel to the list.

  4. Obama and Congress have locked Americans into a system in which only the hyenas, uncountable packs of them, are permitted to feed on the productive among us. The hyenas include those Louisiana Wal-Mart looters using their EBT cards to those living in federally subsidized housing to General Motors to any politician or lobbyist in Washington D.C. to alien immigrants living off the dole (Muslims and Mexicans) and who expect the country to adapt to their "old country" ways and not the other way around. And, to rub it in, to speak "negatively" about all the hyenas, invites charges of "cultural terrorism" or "Islamophobia" or "racism." And where is the Fourth Estate in this ongoing travesty? It has become an arm of federal enforcement and propaganda.

  5. Anonymous17/10/13

    Excellent article and horrifyingly prophetic. But in this world gone mad the "hyena cure" sounds perfectly logical. I expect that it will soon be covered under the regime's health care plan.

  6. Anonymous17/10/13

    Is the American Hyena totally extinct? Can we bring it back? It is easier to live with animals than politicians. An animal can be sated but never a politician.

  7. Anonymous17/10/13

    Well spoken. Also here in Norway - Somalis is leeches on the society - and our politicians is to blame. After 7 years in Norway nearly 80% of Somalis still live on welfare. They rather chew kath than work. There is in our ones peaceful capital Oslo gangs of young Somailis robbing people with knifes for a cell-phone, every weekend. In a city with 600 000 people there was 15 incidents just last weekend. 15 years ago it was zero.

    Young Somalies also rape. From the police statistic (not allowed to be official anymore - its racists according to our insane polticians) between 2007 and 2010 ALL, 100% of violent rapes in the streets of our ones safe city was done by Somalis, North-Africans and arabs.

    But from all the misfits our country have taken in - the Somalis are the worst. I've worked with immigrant children as a teacher, when they first arrive. And I do believe the numbers - that one in three Somalies is indeed insane.

    Our politicians is traitors. And same situation in Sweden, Denmark, Germany, Swizerland etc.

  8. Anonymous17/10/13

    Hyena goes extinct in America more than 15,000 years ago already.

  9. Fight or flight ... Or freeze. People are mostly in that last state. That is, when they're not fighting with you in order not to be disabused of their denial. I have come to a new appreciation for the Roman Martyrology, and the traditional graphic depictions of the lives of the saints in Catholic art. Disrupts people living entirely in their iphones and logic, to keep them grounded in the corporeal, and sensible. Exultant reason, any more than gay marriage, don't mean a thing to a hyena.

    Pliny wrote in Natural Histories, "The Magi have held in the highest admiration the hyaena of all animals, seeing that they have attributed even to an animal; magical skill and power, by which it takes away the senses and entices men to itself."
    The problem is them. The problem is also us. We are mesmerized by the darkness, and with non-existence. Just look at the nihilism and barbarism and mind-boggling stupidity that are out popular culture. We never see heroic engagement and struggle with evil, only idiot capitulation to and idolization of it.

    Frederick Selous said "the spotted hyaena of Africa is quite as dangerous and destructive an animal as the wolf of North America." It's an old story, the one about wolves in sheep's clothing. I think Bill Warner's right, our fear of Islam is an old one it seems we cannot face directly. Better to blame the people who remind us of it. This will take all gestures, great and small. As for myself, I'm just waking up to how enormous is the legacy of Christianity, and how potent are its weapons for this fight. But, as Jesus said to his disciples, "The harvest is great, but the workers are few."

    I can't be the only one. Lawrence Auster was looking at the map. "We are in terra incognita," he said. But this much he knew. http://www.amnation.com/vfr/archives/023877.html

  10. Anonymous17/10/13


    The World Health Organization estimates that 1 in 3 Somalis are mentally ill due to their country's constant violence and abuse of the Khat narcotic.

    Not quite. Somalis have always been Somalis. It is not khat or war but Somali nature and culture, that has made Somalia the shit hole that it is.

    For years I have pointed out that inviting Muslims to settle in the West is fatal folly. But to allow Somali Muslims is almost as insane as Somalis.

  11. Unbelievable. And now Obama wants to bring over 2,000 (to start) Syrians (I wonder how many would be Christians). Look, your caught and convicted of any crime as a "guest" from Somali, you don't even go to a US jail. On a plane and deported back to Somalia with no chance of ever returning. When are we going to stop this liberal BS?

  12. A Google search of mental patient and the driver with the broken wheel brings up, as the fifth result, the Minnesota Driver's Manual.

  13. Anonymous18/10/13

    who says they have to go where they came from deport to china,pakistan

  14. Anonymous18/10/13

    A Somali Hyena calls other to Hyenas to arms:
    "Al-Shabab Al-Mujahideen, the Somali arm of Al Qaeda, on Thursday released an hour-long video asking Muslims around the world to follow in the footsteps of homegrown terrorists and launch attacks against the West, like that of a British soldier hacked to death on a London street in May.

    The video’s release comes at a time of growing concern among the U.S. and its allies with recruits from Western nations returning home after receiving terror training."

    Islam + Khat = Evil Somali culture and atrocities.

    Sibyl S.

  15. Anonymous18/10/13

    Meema said:

    "It's over, isn't it? We didn't hear the fat lady sing because she was eaten."

    It's is over because there is no-one willing to do what it takes to stop it. Who on the right can do it? We see the ineffectiveness of the Right every day. How many scandals have we read about in just the last six months and not one of them stick to Barack Obama. Where is the outrage? Moreover, he has filled dozens of departments - the CIA and FBI with Muslims. They advise him on terrorism. He couldn't do any worse if he were intentionally trying to destroy America. But I think that's been the goal all along but because he's black everyone dances around reality - no he's not a Marxist. no he's not a Muslim He really wants the best for America. Yes, just like Mahmoud Abbas wants the best for Israel.

  16. Hyenas will be covered under Obamacare but the gatekeeps will be paid bounties to not grant you chemotherapy.

  17. Anonymous21/10/13

    Hyenas are actually more closely related to cats than to dogs.

  18. Anonymous22/10/13

    Too late. We already have regular street crime and violence involving Somaili "refugees" that Australina governments (particularly the "progressive" Labor Party) have allowed in.

  19. DAN III22/10/13

    Interesting both the essay and comments. While you all are bashing the Somalis you've all seemed to forgotten the illegal Mexicans. Just replace references to Somalis with Mexicans. The comments will apply just the same.

    Brilliant. While the distraction is now Somalis, the unconstitutional soetoro-obama is getting ready to finalize FUSA's coma with immigration reform.

  20. What's wrong with opposing both kinds of immigration?


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