Home Mayor Michael Bloomberg: Cold Fish for President
Home Mayor Michael Bloomberg: Cold Fish for President

Mayor Michael Bloomberg: Cold Fish for President

As Bloomberg coyly flirts with a Presidential run, I like millions of other Americans wait with bated breath for a man with all the leadership qualities of a cold fish in an icebox who has only held one elected office in his life to run for President.

Every Presidential race needs a crazy billionaire to enter it as a third party candidate believing that the moment the public sees his paid prime time infomercials they will fall worshipfully at his feet. Unfortunately Ross Perot was actually entertaining. Michael Bloomberg is not. Bloomberg could put a room to sleep even if he was reporting the end of the world.

Maybe he thinks that what this country needs most of all is a President with the speech delivery of Ben Stein, the warmth of an ice cube and the empathy of a DMV teller. A man whose biggest achievement is that he took over for the other New York Mayor in the race and didn't entirely screw the city up.

I like most New Yorkers can't help but remember Mayor Michael Bloomberg's fantastic leadership during the several day blackout when he mumbled something on the radio from time to time. And when he tried to imitate Mayor Koch during the transit strike, we all found it inspiring how he actually managed to make the painful effort of standing on the Brooklyn Bridge, briefly breathing the same air as us before flying back to his private island for the weekend.

Maybe in his deluded arrogance, Bloomberg seriously believes that the people of New York voted for him because they believe in him, rather than because they believed that he was marginally competent and the competition were two guys who would have turned most of New York into the Bronx within a few months of getting elected. First Governor Pataki felt the need to try and run for President. That seems to have fizzled out but not before Pataki and Joe Bruno handed over the State to the Democrats. Bloomberg is now set to do the same with the Mayor's office. Ambition makes madmen out of gray figures who should have been satisfied with what they have instead of trying for what they can't have.

The nation is not calling out for Michael Bloomberg. As the candidate of any party, his prospects would be right up there with Walter Mondale. As the candidate of his own party, his prospects are less than nil. A third party candidate has to be able to rally the troops and stand out. Instead Bloomberg has gone on a national tour of mumbling cliches into microphones and criticizing the Republican debates before admitting that he never even watched the debates.

Probably Bloomberg has watched the ascension of Ron Paul and decided that he has at least as much charisma as Ron Paul. That's probably true. A debate between Bloomberg and Ron Paul would be better than prescription sleeping aids. Just the thought of either one opening their mouth is enough to put me into a deep sleep. But Ron Paul got where he has by being appealing to Liberals as an Anti-Republican Republican while being borne on the shoulders of the loony fringes of the right and left like David Duke, Alex Jones and Pat Buchanan.

Bloomberg has no loony appeal. Unless Mayor Bloomberg begins ranting about Jewish bankers, UN concentration camps and black helicopters and calling for the secession of Texas, he can't count on the loony support that will propel Ron Paul from a defeat in the primaries to a spoiler third party candidacy to a mental institution or perhaps the Texas legislature. Where Ron Paul is King of the Fools, Bloomberg is just a merchant with delusions of royalty.

What Bloomberg does have is a private island, an air of arrogant entitlement and a whole lot of money. That should be enough to keep any crazy billionaire happy. And when he leaves the Mayor's office, we can finally get the junk modern art sculptures off the City Hall Lawn.


  1. Seems like Bloomberg is pulling the Obama identity thing--Bloomberg switching politcal parties and Obama switching religion and ethnicities to suit the voters he wants to sway.

    Whichever way the wind blows candidates.

    Nothing in this election surprises me anymore, from Fred Thompson, an actor on Law and Order running to Hillary and Bill Clinton's little You Tube "Soprano's" finale spoof.

    What's worse, most of the Sunday morning talk show pundits are giving the stunt an A+.

    If that can happen, why wouldn't a wealthy man with no experience think he can run the entire country?

  2. I was thinking of obama-dumba too. Then it hit me! NO! He's like Prince Chuckie Charles! On BBC America, they said Charles tries to identify with the common man, but has two blokes help him dress in the morning or any other time of the day he needs to change clothes.

    They're two baked beans out of touch with reality. There's three if you toss in Paris Hilton. (evil grin)

  3. 3rd party candidates run for a purpose, to break the front running party's chances for a win.

  4. chuck identifies very well with common.
    He is a common adulterer married to a very common woman.

  5. Lemon: LOL got me on that one! :]

    Chuckie is into family traditions. Too bad it's not a tradition he wants to break.

  6. England has broken too many royal rules. Like future king not marrying a divorcee. They got rid of the Duke of Windsor over that one with Wallace Simpson. He was a flake anyway but just the same....
    But this *lady* will probably get to be queen, a sickening notion given what she is.
    Future king should be head of the church of England but Chuck seems to be more into worshipping Mohammed these days with his tan brothers from the south.


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