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Oh The Lies They Tell

Authorities are celebrating Joe Chisholm's implicit suggestion that he will not murder his neighbor, John Norton, when late this week he signed a letter in which he stated his intent to initially take half his neighbor's home, vowed to continue attacking him and pledged to fight on till victory.

Press reports however focused on the implication that by not explicitly mentioning his intent to kill Norton and by agreeing for settle half his home, that the entire matter could finally be settled peacefully. Chisholm however disappointed some when he appeared at a press conference later announcing that his letter did not mean any such thing and that he intends to take half of Norton's home only as a first step to taking all of it and that he has never renounced his desire to kill Norton.

Reporters and various talking heads however continued to insist that this was a major turnaround for Chisholm and that an era of peace would be at hand if only Norton put away his rifle and left the part of his own home Chisholm had stolen and stopped trying to recover his son whom Chisholm had kidnapped, by force.

"Diplomacy is the only solution," Mayor McNichols insisted. "We are disappointed in Norton that just when we've nearly gotten Chisholm to agree not to kill him and to only take half his home, he sabotages the whole thing with a show of force."

For his part Chisholm conducted his press conference by waving a gun at everyone present and declaring that he would execute Norton's son if Norton sets foot in the seized half of the house again. Chisholm also proclaimed that he had been sent by god to kill Norton, that the police couldn't stop him and that he was prepared to die doing it.

Newspapers however played this down in favor of playing up the historic opportunity presented by Chisholm in agreeing to possibly wait a bit and think things over before killing Norton.


  1. Anonymous16/11/06

    Chisholm laughed hysterically, sclera exposed around both bulging eyes. He pumped his fist into the air, gun-in-hand, with syncopated emphasis: "From - 7-11 - to - the -street!" The words rushed out with a shower of spittle. A blonde poney-tailed reporter pulled out a hankie and daubed a fleck of goo from his check and walked over to Norton and asked," How do you sleep at night ...?

  2. You can't spell diplomacy without spelling "dip", which in my day meant - you're an idiot.

  3. People would be incredulous if they heard this on the local news, but bring it to the international news and expand it to include nations and they swallow it hook, line, and sinker.

  4. Udiyah has medical knowledge as well it seems :)

    LOL Yobee, I used to use that word too.

  5. Yeah, it took me a moment till I realized what it was really about. If this would happen in any free society there would be a public outcry. But, oh heck, it's just Israel.

    Good one!


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