Home Best Of Israel The Deadly Israeli House
Home Best Of Israel The Deadly Israeli House

The Deadly Israeli House

There are few weapons as deadly as the Israeli house. When its bricks and mortar are combined together, the house, whether it is one of those modest one story hilltop affairs or a five floor apartment building complete with hot and cold running water, becomes far more dangerous than anything green and glowing that comes out of the Iranian centrifuges.

Forget the cluster bomb and the mine, the poison gas shell and even tailored viruses. Iran can keep its nuclear bombs. They don't impress anyone in Europe or in Washington D.C. Who can even think about genocide in Africa in the presence of the fearsome weapon of terror that is an Israeli family of four moving into a new apartment.

Sudan may have built a small mountain of African corpses, but it can't expect to command the full and undivided attention of the world until it does something truly outrageous like building a house and filling it with Jews. Since the Sudanese Jews are as gone as the Jews of Egypt, Iraq, Syria and good old Afghanistan, the chances of Bashir the Butcher pulling off that trick are rather slim.

Due to the Muslim world's shortsightedness in driving out its Jews from Cairo, Aleppo and Baghdad to Jerusalem, the ultimate weapon in international affairs is entirely controlled by the Jewish State. The Jewish State's stockpile of Jews should worry the international community far more than its hypothetical stockpiles of nuclear weapons. No one besides Israel, and possibly Saudi Arabia, cares much about the Iranian bomb. But when Israel builds a house, then the international community tears its clothes, wails, threatens to recall its ambassadors and boycott Israeli peaches.

You can spit on the White House carpets and steal every secret we have. You can bomb our cities and hack our databases. You can blow up anything you like and threaten anyone you will, but you had better not lift a drill near Gilgal, where Joshua and a few million escaped Hebrew slaves pitched their camp.

Some may think that genocide or nuclear weapons are the ultimate weapons, but as we see, time and time again, the ultimate weapon is a hammer and a fistful of nails in a Jewish hand.

Everyone has their standards. Even the international community. There are things that we all cannot abide. And the one thing that everyone will stand up against or sit down in opposition to is the Israeli house.

White House officials are insisting once again that Netanyahu insulted Obama by authorizing the building of 98 housing units. This is the worst Israeli crime since that time when the city of Jerusalem passed some houses through one stage of a multi-stage approval process while Biden was visiting.

Hillary called it an insult and spent two hours yelling at Netanyahu over the phone. Axelrod declared it an affront. Biden was so furious that he refused to come down for dinner until an hour later. For weeks the media howled that Netanyahu had humiliated Obama through the dastardly act of allowing one of the country's mayors to approve housing while the sacred presence of Joseph Robinette Biden Jr was intersecting with Israeli airspace.

While China may threaten war against the United States and North Korea may test its nukes, but only Israel has managed to achieve official recognition for "insulting" Obama, without even trying, proving once again that the Jewish race is so talented that it often achieves things that other people may only dream of, without even realizing that they are doing it.

Now that Netanyahu has gone to the mattresses, literally, by authorizing new housing, the media has begun braying that Israel has insulted Obama all over again. They say that every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings. But every time an Israeli jackhammer roars, Obama stands, like that famous trash-mourning fake Indian, off Highway 1 between Jerusalem and Tel Aviv, with a tear slowly making its way down one glistening cheek at the sight of another insulting Israeli house.

According to the New York Times, which is never wrong, building more houses makes peace impossible. Peace, which is not in any way obstructed by rockets, suicide bombers, unilateral statehood bids and declarations of war, comes up against only one obstacle. The stout unyielding wall of the Israeli house.

You can shell Israeli houses, bomb them and break inside to massacre the people living inside, but then after all that, Israel goes and builds more of those damn things.

Hamas shoots thousands of rockets and Israel builds thousands of houses. But Israeli houses generally stay where they're built, while Hamas rockets are as likely to kill Gazans as they are to put holes in the roofs of those dastardly houses. And in the arms race between houses and rockets, the Israelis appear to be winning. And that's not good for peace. If Israelis get the dangerous idea that they can just keep building houses and outlast all the talented rocketeers who spend their time with the Koran in front of one eye and the Anarchist's Cookbook in front of the other, then what hope is there for peace?

That is why no one cares much about Hamas rockets, which only kill Israelis, who most reasonable people in London, Paris and Brussels think have it coming anyway, but get into a foaming lather about an Israeli house. Killing Israelis has never been any obstacle to peace. Twenty years of killing Israelis has not dissuaded a single Israeli government from sitting down at the table to dicker with the terrorists. But an Israeli family living in a house is holding down territory that it will be harder to then cede to terrorists when the angels have blown their horns, the seas have all gone dry and peace is carried in on a golden platter by 72 virgins accompanied by their flying suicide bomber mates.

The problem is an old one. Pharaoh struggled with it. So did Hitler. And so does Hamas. What do you do when there are too many Jews living. The answer is usually obvious.

Israel's peace partners tried to go back to the time-honored Egyptian tradition of throwing all the Jews into the sea. But despite an entire officer corps temporarily "on leave" from the armed forces of the United Kingdom, they only got as far as half of Jerusalem, where they blew up every synagogue, and took the West Bank of Israel, or as the non-indigenous Zionist invaders with no roots in the region call it, Judea and Samaria.

Nineteen years later, Israel's Peace Partners had traded in their British officer corps for a Soviet officer corps, and lost Jerusalem, the West Bank and Gaza, proving that when it came to killing Jews, the Communists were better at it when the Jews weren't shooting back. Ever since then the world, or those portions of it populated entirely by diplomats and the better class of journalists, has been urging Israel to give back the land to an imaginary country to be populated entirely by terrorists.

This peace plan, which has worked as well as fighting fire with gasoline, has not in any way been endangered by two decades of terror, but trembles down to its toes every time an Israeli hammer falls on an Israeli nail in the vicinity of Jerusalem. Because that land must go back so that rockets can be shot from it into Israel, so that Israel can invade it and reclaim it, and then sit down for another peace process to return the land from which the rockets will be fired, which will be invaded, which will be given back... for peace.

And Israeli houses endanger this cycle of peace and violence. They endanger it by creating "facts on the ground", a piquant phrase that only seems to apply to houses with Jews. Muslim houses in no way create facts on the ground, even though they are built out of the same material and filled with people. Or perhaps they create the good kind of facts on the ground. The kind of preemption of negotiations that the professional peacemakers approve of.

But it's hard to know what exactly the peacemakers approve of, because their arguments and their definitions keep changing all the time. All that we know is that they disapprove of Israeli houses.

The United States repeatedly assured Israel that Jerusalem would in no way be endangered by the peace process. No less a personality than Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. co-sponsored three Senate resolutions urging that Jerusalem should remain Israel's undivided capital. Then like all good politicians, he was horribly offended when the Israelis actually took him at his word.

Obama gave an election speech four years ago where he declared that Jerusalem should be undivided. A day later he explained that he meant "undivided" in some spiritual sense that did not preclude it from actually being physically divided.

UN Chief Ban Ki-moon has declared Israeli houses to be an "almost fatal blow" to the peace process. It is, of course, only an "almost fatal blow"  because the peace process, like Dracula, cannot be killed. Israeli houses, fearsome as they may be with their balconies and poor heating in winter, are never quite enough to kill it.

Like the monster of a horror movie, the peace process always comes back and no matter how many blows the Israeli house delivers to it, a year later there's a sequel where the Israeli house is being stalked by the peace process monster all over again.

The army of lethal Israeli houses, which may not be built for another five years, if ever, seem formidable in the black newsprint of the New York Times, in the fulminations of Guardian columnists and the shrill talkingpointation of CNN talking heads, but its actual potency is limited to housing Jewish families and infuriating international diplomats and their media coathangers.

Europe is furious, Obama is seething, the UN is energized, and somewhere in Tehran, the Supreme Leader of Iran wipes the grease out of his beard and wonders what he could do to get this much attention. He briefly scribbles down some thoughts on a napkin but then dismisses it as being too implausible. As much as it might get the world's attention, there is just no way Iran can put up apartment buildings in Israel.


  1. Anonymous5/10/16

    You are one amazing writer! Mamash!!! a Boro Park reader.

  2. Anonymous5/10/16

    Have only one word..
    You are Brilliant.. you say it all so beautifully.
    Hashem bless you and all of Am Israel. Amen.

  3. Is this wasn't so flipping brilliant and, unfortunately true, it would be the funniest thing I've read in a buzillion years.
    Hats off to you, Daniel.

  4. Infidel5/10/16

    Well said. Quite humorous. Best article on the topic I can remember.

    While I try to restrain my urges to be sardonic or sarcastic, it is hard to think how else to treat this absurd topic. Kafka is possibly my favorite writer, how else does one write about such things?

  5. Great post Daniel ... Islamists and anti-Semites accept this as fact. As near as I can tell, they don't see anything contradictory, ironic, nor satirical about their outrage over houses. They really think the problem is Jews, and their houses. The idea that houses are never a problem seems to be beyond their capacity.

  6. Anonymous6/10/16

    I'm looking forward to Part 2 - how you dastardly Jews have turned a perfectly reasonable desolate area of scrub and desert into productive fields of fruit and vegetables to feed your people living in the horrendously divisive and civilised structures called houses.

  7. Anonymous6/10/16

    Very enlightening article Mr Greenfield.
    It is very saddening the miles of Jewhatred

    I may not be able to complete this comment but, hopefully next time I get on internet I can clarify w

    At this point its is not simply "liberalism gone wild" (in fact ) but is a very. Final stage of Globalist "{Eurabianism"

    Have yous tudied Eurasianism
    This current alliance relally has no values, but is a theomachist MAfia that seeks to control wolrd

    You work for "our side" but are you regular with material of the Strategica Culture foundation
    A thought I wanted to suggest; Atlanticist politicla

    Sorryt for the rushedness of this post but wish to upload soimething. I hope to be able to updte /clarify soon.. wghat do you think meanwhile/.
    Mtthew "K"

  8. Some novice, ambitious filmmaker should make a cartoon of "The Deadly Israeli House." You know, a video that would be on a par with that great classic, "The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes." Put it on YouTube, get a million hits and "likes." Maybe get his footprints cemented on Hollywood Boulevard. But no, wait. If he made such a video, he'd probably wind up in jail, like that luckless Copt who made the "Mohammad" video that launched a thousand jihadi attacks and burnt the topless towers of Benghazi, or so they say. Still, the video should be made, narrated (from Daniel's script here) by a mellifluous voice (Patrick Stewart's?) that can home in on the irony and hone Daniel's points in sharp-edged humor.

  9. Anonymous6/10/16


    We would always ridicule the absurdity of the "Peace" Process if it was not so tragic.

  10. I love your article, it is truly quite humorous. However, there is nothing funny about most Jews in Israel having to live hemmed in by Arabs in a narrow strip of land along the Mediterranean coast, including Tel Aviv and Haifa. When the famous vote for partition came at the U.N., Arab states voted no while Israel agreed to the proposal. The Arab response was no then and no now. Israel's response now should be no and should build strongly in Judea and Samaria, and forget about phony peace proposals that end up with missiles and knife attacks from vicious homicidal maniacs.

  11. Brilliant!
    Thank you Daniel for a breath of oxygen amidst the toxic fumes that seek to envelope us!

  12. The measure of Obama and the Left's umbrage is a barometer of real correctness. I suppose the politically correct can be appreciated for taking offense. The Left's prescriptions lead only to more destruction so offending them must lead away from the deadly consequences of their policies. When will reasonable people stop taking the Left - a people who refuse mollification - at face value? They're useful only as reverse barometers.

  13. What most do not know or forget about Israel is this: "...Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain." Psalms 127:1

  14. Anonymous6/10/16

    Great piece!

  15. You have a gift! To be able to use sarcasm to express anger and righteous indignation is an awesome tool. I share your frustration. I just have no idea what to do. Keep it up. I'm glad you wrote this piece.

  16. Great article. The Left hates and fears freedom and individual rights. As the one country in the Middle East in which there is respect for freedom and individual rights, Israel is near the top of the Left wing's 'hate list'. (America is locked in the number one spot on that list unless we elect Hillary and, as the Left fiercely desires, she and her cronies succeed in converting America to a socialist police state.) So any expansion of Israel, no matter how tiny or innocent, is angrily denounced by the Left. Israelis should ignore the Left and do whatever they need to do to not only survive but to flourish.

  17. If Israel wants peace and security and respect from the nations of the world, then it must become bigger, not smaller.

    If Israel wants peace and security and respect from the nations of the world, then it must take complete control of all these: the entire West Bank, all of Gaza, all of Sinai, all of Lebanon, all of Syria, and all of Jordan.

    And if Israel took complete control of the Suez Canal, then if would receive even more peace and security and respect from the nations of the world.

    The skinny weakling can only prevent the bully from attacking him by becoming bigger and stronger, not by becoming smaller and weaker.

    Like Charles Atlas said:
    “In seven days, I can make you a man.”

  18. Anonymous6/10/16

    Shkoyach! I'm not so highbrow as to read much Kafka, but the staff of Mad Magazine at its finest (Larry Siegel, Don Martin, and their contemporaries), with Douglass Adams added for good measure, could not have come up in their wildest dreams with anything as absurd the position of Obama, Ban Ki Moon and the other deep thinkers. -- Ahad Ha'amoratsim

  19. Daniel your humor is both excellent and powerful. I suspect many progressives wouldn't "get it" but might sense there might be some micro-aggression so you can be condemned anyway. Not surprising in that you and your cat are a hate group. I remember! Now that's a good one.

  20. Oh my goodness! Tragic truth with the chance of some laugh because you have a way with words. Keep bringing them. Maybe someone else will hear. Brilliant.

  21. Robert Metnick6/10/16

    What an amazing gift you have for using sarcasm as tool to illustrate the absurd. Bless you!

  22. Anonymous6/10/16

    There will never be peace between Islam and Israel. Islam does not want peace, it wants to slaughter all the Jews. What Islam did to the Banu Quarazya is their answer to the Jewish question.

  23. Israel, a Perpetual Czechoslovakia:


  24. Anonymous6/10/16

    Obviously, it's long past time for some common-sense housing laws.

  25. Thank you for your devastating brilliance!

  26. You also forgot the Israeli Dog House. extremely dangerous. How about the Israeli Cat House (Not the Bordello)?

  27. The native American you refer to tearing up at the side of the road is Iron Eyes Cody

  28. Just so well said. Thanks. I shared this to my Facebook page.

  29. Definitely the best weapon, I have been saying this for a long time.
    For every rocket launched or stabbing - car ramming, bomb... - attempt, build ten more houses.
    Impossible to coexist with Islam other than through sheer subjugation. History teaches us that lesson.

  30. Good on you mate. From New Zealand

  31. A joy to read, a joy to understand.

  32. Anonymous8/10/16

    Oh dear God, that final sentence. What a 'punch' line! Daniel, you are brilliant.

  33. Totally Lethal! The Indisputable Weapon Of Choice For Israel!!!!
    WOW!!!! Daniel Greenfield strikes again - ABSOLUTE GENIUS!!!!

  34. Anonymous8/10/16

    Anyone within the ‘radius of convergence’ of the left ( liberals, feminist, lgbtees..) are perfectly okay with the absurdity: family houses are more dangerous than terrorists, Mister Trump acknowledging that he hit on a woman, failed and let her go is deplorable; on the other hand Clinton hit, cornered and raped several women but there’s no problem¡

  35. Anonymous8/10/16

    Besides the Jewish houses, there is another incredibly powerful weapon - a Jewish mind, so perfectly represented by Daniel. Yasher Koach!!!

  36. love this article. George Orwell would be proud! Keep up the great work. Everytime Obama and State Dept. posture about Israel building houses, I get so upset. The continual stupidity of our government is brainwashing Americans.

  37. Anonymous9/10/16

    Perhaps one day After being attacked for the Hundred Millionth time,Israel will be allowed to vanquish it's enemies. Although, whose permission do they need?


  38. I think these homes might be causing global warming, err climate change.

  39. Expertly done, Mr. Greenfield! Point made with one truism after another sardonically and sarcastically made quite humorously, I might add!

  40. This was so much fun to read! As an inhabitant of an Israeli house in Samaria, it made me feel very important to be so dangerous and threatening to World Peace! I haven't had such a good laugh for a long time! G-d bless you!

  41. Anonymous10/10/16

    Absolutely great! Enjoyed every word of witty wisdom! Hugs from the golden city of Jerusalem

  42. I would love to laugh out loud cos it's so funny....but it's just so very sad too....

  43. Brilliant! Thank you.

  44. Anonymous25/12/16

    If anyone wrote a better article on the so called peace process and obama administration please let me read it

  45. Anonymous30/12/16

    You're fantastic. That's all.


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