Steven Spielberg to make film about the Entebbe rescue

 Fresh from his film Munich about the Israeli response to the Munich massacre, Spielberg is set to film the story of the Israeli rescue attempt at Entebbe Airport saving the passengers of a plane seized by PLO and German terrorists and diverted to Uganda. 

Unlike previous films about Entebbe which focused on the heroism of the IDF and the rescue of the hostages from the terrorists, Spielberg will be reteaming with Tony Kusher for a more angst-ridden take on the events in question. 

 Based on the book 'How I Was An Israeuli Commando And Blew Up Stuff' by Georgi Rasmanoff, who initially claimed to be a former Israeli colonel but was in actuality revealed to be an out of work Russian Taxi driver, Spielberg promises that his movie will reimagine the Entebbe rescue as it had never been seen before. 

While critics are already pointing to technical errors in the script such as Golda Meir being played by a man and Yitzchak Rabin being assassinated decades too early in the closing act, Spielberg insists that once again his real goal is to tell a story that will force a new understanding among Israelis about fighting terrorists.

 "I wasn't out to make a movie about soldiers rescuing hostages from evil terrorists," said Spielberg. "If I had wanted to do that, it would be no different than a Chuck Norris movie. Instead the protagonist, Goergi goes on a spiritual journey of sorts. He starts out believing that he can take his weapon and rescue some hostages and then comes to realize the complete futility of actually rescuing the hostages."

Authored by gay left-wing radical Tony Kushner who has no screenwriting experience whatsoever, the screenplay is said to be four hours long and features extended scenes of Georgi sleeping with his wife intercut with hostage rescues, three ballroom dancing scenes, a half hour of Georgi crying in the bathroom at the futility of life and a climactic meeting between the Israeli commandos and the PLO terrorists in which the PLO terrorists fully articulate their grievances and reveal their homosexual crushes for each other. 

 "Radical extremist right wing Jews failed to understand my message with Munich and lambasted me with a hateful poisonous campaign, but this time they can't fail to get my message," said Spielberg. "Terrorism is bad but so is fighting terrorism. All we can possibly do when confronted with terrorism is climb under our desks and throw hundred dollar bills at them from our wallets until they go away, just like I do with my gardener." 

Tentatively titled, 'Entebbe - Sometimes You Just Gotta Give Up' will be coming to theaters soon.